Chocolate Kisses
by wackyjacqs
Summary: He never asked, and Carter never said, but they both knew the small gesture was appreciated. Unfortunately, Jack wasn't sure the same could be said for this occasion. Set early Season 6. Two-parter.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: As with my last fic, this idea is the result of another writing sprint. Coincidentally, it also fits in nicely with my (self-inflicted) writing challenge for 2015. The details can be found in my updated bio.**

**This will be a two-parter, I'm not sure if it's a happy fic though. Set early Season 6. This also hasn't been beta-read, so any mistakes are mine. **

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><p><strong>Chocolate Kisses<strong>

_Part One _

Colonel O'Neill turned the bar of chocolate over and over in his hands. He had been repeating the action for the last 20 minutes as he waited for his watch to end. He only had another hour to go.

The light from the small campfire reflected off the foil wrapping in his hand as he twirled it once again.

_Bittersweet chocolate with almonds._

_Carter's favorite._

He let out a sigh.

The first time he'd caught her eating the treat had been during their initial year as SG-1. Ironically, it had been the first time they thought Daniel had died, on Oannes. The team had organized a wake for the archeologist, and decided it best if it was held at the Colonel's house; and it was in his kitchen, where he'd found Sam hiding – and making her way through a bar of chocolate.

He'd never noticed the young Captain eat anything sweet – aside from that awful blue Jell-O – before, and when he'd made some off-handed comment about it, Carter had just shrugged and admitted she only ate that specific chocolate bar if she was upset.

Storing the information away, Jack decided to keep a closer eye on his teammate; and as their missions went on, he instinctively seemed to know when she was hurt or distressed. He didn't dwell on the reasons for _why_ he seemed to be able to pick up on her emotions, but whenever he did, he would silently leave a bar of the chocolate in her lab. He also took the liberty of keeping one stashed away in his pack for when they were off-world.

He never asked, and Carter never said, but they both knew the small gesture was appreciated.

Unfortunately, Jack wasn't sure the same could be said for this occasion.

Movement caught his attention and he looked up to see his Second-in-Command taking a seat at the other side of the campfire. She wasn't due to start her watch for another hour, but Jack chose not to say anything. Instead, he held back a sigh and shoved the chocolate into his backpack, with more force than was undoubtedly necessary.

This was SG-1's first mission with Jonas Quinn and while it hadn't exactly been _bad_… it hadn't exactly been _good_ either.

_Wrong_, was probably the most accurate word Jack could find to describe the mission. Regardless of the fact that Jonas was now a member of the team, the other three still expected to turn around and see Daniel fawning over an ancient ruin, or look up when they heard his voice as he spoke of some long-forgotten culture he might have just re-discovered.

Pulling his cap lower, Jack tried to act nonchalant. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but trying to get over the loss of Daniel was a lot harder than even _he _expected, so he deliberately decided that he _wouldn't_ deal with it. He just shoved the emotions into that part of his mind where denial and regret ruled.

It wasn't a perfect plan, but Jack never did perfect, which is probably why – no matter how hard he tried to convince himself – he was racked with guilt over the archeologist. It didn't help when Sam tried to get him to open up and "talk"; and every occasion ended the same way – with him shooting her down and telling her he "didn't want to hear it".

He wasn't stupid, nor was he completely heartless. He knew Sam had taken Daniel's death incredibly hard – he'd been like a brother to her – and Jack knew he should have been by Carter's side when their teammate had left. If only to offer her support as a Commanding Officer should.

He hadn't even carried out Jacob's wishes. Just before the Tok'ra had left the SGC, he'd asked Jack to keep an eye on Sam for him; and despite assurances that he would, he hadn't really carried out the man's wishes at all. Looking up at the sky, he had no doubt that Jacob would rip him a new one right about now if he were here.

Glancing sideways, he eyed his pack where the chocolate bar was stashed. Looking to Carter, Jack saw she was focused on the flames of the fire. He looked to his pack once again, deciding to leave the peace offering for the moment.

Leaning heavier into the tree trunk against his back, the Colonel studied his friend. And he was unable to hide the grimace that followed. Even if the dark surroundings, he could see the pain etched in Sam's eyes; the flickering flames casting shadows across her face, only seeming to intensify the hurt he saw. That _he_ had caused.

He shivered at the thought.

"Cold, Sir?" came the soft, but even voice.

It wasn't much, but he'd take it. "It's a little chilly, I guess."

When he thought about it, he realized his ass was freezing on the cold ground. He shifted slightly and pulled the zipper higher on his jacket. It was only then he noticed Sam moving, moments before she threw a few small logs onto the fire.

"Thanks, Carter," he said when she sat back down.

"Yes, Sir."

"It wasn't an order, you know."

"I know, Sir."

He let out a sigh. "_Sir._"

He could feel Sam watching him and when he met her gaze he was surprised at the coolness in her expression. Ever since his final dismissal to talk about Daniel, the Major had kept her emotions carefully hidden away – and it scared Jack. He had always been able to read her, and now that he wasn't able to, it left him feeling seriously disadvantaged.

"Is something wrong, Sir?"

Jack eyed her warily. They were only two days into this mission and the only real words Sam had said to him up to this point had been, "Yes, Sir", "No, Sir" and the proverbial, "Three bags full, Sir."

Knowing he would probably regret the route the conversation would take, he stretched his legs out and crossed them at the ankles.

"You tell me," he answered as nonchalantly as possible.

"Sir?"

"It seems like something's on your mind." He thought he heard a snort coming from the Major, but decided to ignore it.

They fell into an uncomfortable silence, and realizing Sam wouldn't be going back to bed anytime soon, it became too much for the Colonel. He looked over at the two tents to his right where Teal'c was partaking in some Kelno'reem and Jonas was sleeping and came to a decision.

"You wanna talk about it?" He winced as soon as the words left his lips.

"Talk," Sam repeated slowly. "You want to talk? _Now?_" He could hear her disbelief increase with every word and he shifted uncomfortably.

"Ah… no_._ I asked if _you_ wanted to talk. Not me."

He definitely heard a snort that time, followed by a muttered, "Figures."

The Colonel ran a hand over his face and sighed heavily. When he spoke, his voice was low, but firm.

"We've been over this, Carter."

"Have we, Sir?"

"For cryin' out loud," he mumbled. "In case you've forgotten, _Major_, we have a job to do. We need to be out there _doing_ it."

"We're talking about _Daniel_, Sir. He's _dead_."

"He's not dead."

"You know what I mean."

Jack didn't miss the fact that Sam had left off his honorific. Shrugging a shoulder, he raised a brow, silently challenging her to continue. He waited, watching the various emotions dance across her eyes, yet he was still surprised at Carter's response.

"That's it?" she asked incredulously, parroting his earlier shrug. "After seven years... after _everything_ you have been through together – that's how you deal with his death?"

"Stand down, Major."

"Is that an order?"

He bit back a response. Technically, he _should_ have given his Second-in-Command a dressing down, but as angry as he was at Carter, he couldn't find it within himself to actually reprimand her. Probably because deep down he knew that Sam was right.

He _hadn't_ dealt with their friend's death. He hadn't even started, but sometimes it just seemed easier to try and forget about what happened on Kelowna, than face it head on.

People deal with grief in different ways, and this was Jack's method.

Forcing the thoughts aside, he studied the flames of the fire; the cracking and popping of the logs the only thing breaking the tense atmosphere between the two officers.

"Dammit, Carter. What do you want me to say – 'cos I got nothin'."

He knew he was being harsh, but he didn't want to have this conversation at all right now, let alone off-world.

Despite his anger however, Sam's next words stung. "No, Sir. I guess you don't."

His eyes tracked her movements as she effortlessly got to her feet and then as she leaned down to pick up her weapon. "I'm going to check the perimeter, _Sir._"

With that, she turned and walked away, quickly disappearing into the darkness that surrounded their makeshift encampment. The Colonel's attention returned to the fire and he closed his eyes. Not only had his earlier anger suddenly dissipated, but he was left wondering – not for the first time – how he always managed to screw things up so badly.

**TBC… **

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><p><strong>AN: The 'holiday' behind this fic is _Bittersweet Chocolate Day_. It takes place on 10 January each year. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry for the slight delay in updating; I kept getting an error message when I tried to log into the site. **

**A section of this chapter may appear out-of-character, but sometimes grief does make people react in different ways.**

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><p><em>Previously... <em>

_The Colonel's attention returned to the fire and he closed his eyes. Not only had his earlier anger suddenly dissipated, but he was left wondering – not for the first time – how he always managed to screw things up so badly._

**Part 2**

"O'Neill."

He jumped at Teal'c's quiet address. "I thought you were Kelno'reeming."

"I was." Jack raised a brow, waiting for him to continue. "My attempts to continue in a state of Kelno'reem were, unfortunately, interrupted."

The Colonel directed his attention back to the fire. "Oh."

"I feel it would be best if I commenced my watch now, O'Neill."

The younger man frowned, then looked at his friend. His face was unreadable, but his stance said that the point was not up for discussion. Still, it didn't mean Jack couldn't try.

"T, your watch isn't due to start for another… two and a half hours."

"Perhaps. However, do you not feel it would be more beneficial to use this time wisely?"

"I'm not following you, Teal'c."

"Where is Major Carter?"

Jack grimaced. He should have known by now that not much gets passed the Jaffa.

"You heard, huh?" He finally asked. "I don't know Teal'c, something tells me I'm better staying here."

"On the contrary O'Neill. You are not needed here."

"Whatcha trying to say," he quipped, feigning indignation.

When Teal'c didn't answer, Jack got to his feet.

"Samantha Carter is your friend, O'Neill. Do not forget that."

"Yeah. You're right," he sighed, leaning down to grab his weapon. "Hold the fort, T."

"O'Neill," Teal'c quietly called as he walked away. When he turned, he just had enough time to catch Teal'c's throw. He studied it, nodded once, then turned to find his Major.

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><p>Jack came to a stop when he saw Carter. Her back was to him, and she was standing at the edge of the outcropping they had found on their first day there. The planet was uninhabited, except for the local wildlife, and if Jack strained his neck, he could see the valley below, spectacularly lit up by hundreds and thousands of fireflies swarming around. The Colonel, impressed by the light show, let out a low whistle. Moments later, Sam broke the silence.<p>

"Permission to speak freely, Sir?"

He moved closer to stand just a couple of feet behind her. "Sure."

"I hated you."

Jack frowned, hurt by her words, but a part of him also understood. He hated himself as well.

"For the first time – since we've known each other... I hated you."

Slowly, she turned to face her Commanding Officer, her eyes filled with tears.

"Carter –" he breathed.

"Daniel was _dying_. My dad... My dad was _helping _him – and you told him to stop."

"The healing device wasn't enough, Carter. You know that."

"You told him to stop!"

"I didn't have a choice," he tried to reason, ignoring Sam's raised voice.

"You let him die."

"I didn't – I did what I had to do. It's what Daniel wanted."

"So you've said."

The Colonel raised a brow. "You don't believe me?"

Sam shrugged before folding her arms across her chest.

"I don't know what to believe anymore," she said moments later, her voice soft. "For five years, you've fought and pushed and done everything in your power to make sure we always get home safe. And then – when Daniel was lying there – there was a chance we could have helped him, but you didn't even fight. You just stood there and ordered my dad to stop. Why?"

"I told you, it's what Daniel wanted."

"Didn't you try to convince him that we could save him?"

"Carter –"

"Did he not enjoy being part of SG-1 anymore, or –"

"Carter –"

"Do you even know where he is?"

"_Carter!_ For cryin' out loud!"

His outburst seemed deafening against the silence of the environment around them. He lowered his voice, but his anger remained.

"What do you want me to say, Sam? You don't think I know any of this? I do – and it _sucks_. There's not one single damn day that goes by where I don't replay that afternoon in my head. And every time, Daniel lives. If I could go back, I'd do whatever it takes to make sure he was still here, but I can't. I have to live with the decision I made, whether I like it or not."

He took a step closer, his voice lowering even further. "You think you've seen me at my worst, Carter? Think again. But Danny... Yeah, he's come pretty close. He was there on Abydos that first time – he knew why I'd signed up – and why I wasn't going back home. And yet –"

He suddenly cut himself off and closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he desperately tried to regain control of his emotions. "And yet, that _damn_ archeologist wouldn't let it go," he mumbled. "I guess he saw something no-one else did, or maybe he just didn't get the memo that I wanted to be left alone, but he was the one who made me believe that I could go back home, that sacrificing myself wasn't the answer... and I'm still here," he finished, his voice barely above a whisper. "I've Daniel to thank for that. So don't think for one moment that I don't give a damn about where he is or what's happened to him."

Stunned into silence at his honesty, Sam wiped away at the tears that had escaped down her face. She observed her Commanding Officer who was intently studying his feet. He dug the toe of his right boot into the ground and dislodged some of the soil underneath.

"Sir –" she whispered. He could feel Sam's gaze resting on him, but couldn't look at her. Not after baring more of his soul than he'd ever wished to do.

"I'm sorry."

Jack grimaced at her apology and turned back to face the valley below. He didn't deserve sympathy. He didn't deserve an apology. He didn't deserve anything from her.

"Don't Sam. Just... don't." He huffed out a breath. "I'm the one who's sorry."

"Sir, you don't –"

"Sam? _Please._"

She fell silent at his plea. Slowly, she moved to stand by his side and followed his gaze. She watched as a dozen fireflies floated over their heads.

"When I was younger, my dad and I used to catch fireflies. We'd have a few of them in a jar and watch them for a while, then let them go," she paused, ignoring the Colonel's intense – and questioning – eyes.

Letting out a soft chuckle, she continued, "I used to think they were messengers from heaven. I would talk to them, tell them my secrets... and when I was finished, I'd set them free – and hope they'd take my messages back to who they were intended for."

Her voice wavered slightly, but she continued. "The last time my dad and I... It was just after my mom died. I remember – I remember dad sitting beside me in the back yard – he didn't say anything; just watched as I captured the fireflies, talked to them, then let them go," she finished in a whisper.

Jack's gaze shifted to the lit valley below. "It's beautiful."

He didn't elaborate, but that was fine for them both. Sam kept her gaze on the scene below when she spoke again.

"Do you think Daniel's... Do you think he's okay?"

He thought back to his last conversation with Daniel.

_I'm ready to move on._

_You just giving up?_

_No. No, I'm not giving up, believe me. I can do more this way... It's what I want... Everything's gonna be fine._

"Yeah. I do," he answered honestly.

A light breeze swirled around Jack, and he went to pull the zipper on his BDU jacket when he felt something in his pocket. Realizing what it was, he pulled the bar of chocolate Teal'c had earlier tossed in his direction.

"What about us, Carter?"

"Sir?"

"Are we gonna be okay?"

She looked at him, then noticed the bar of chocolate in his hand. He was tapping it gently against the palm of his right hand, in an almost nervous gesture. "We'll be okay, Sir."

He nodded to convince himself more than anything, but didn't let go of the chocolate.

"C'mere," he murmured, relieved when Sam willingly stepped into his embrace. Jack buried his face in her neck and took a deep breath.

A light breeze swirled around the couple and Jack looked up to the sky as he continued to hold Sam. The fireflies were flying in an elegant formation above them. Then, as quickly as it had appeared, the breeze was gone, as were the fireflies. The Colonel smiled softly. For the first time since Daniel ascended, he truly believed that everything would be okay.

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><p><strong>AN: So, this wasn't how I expected this fic to go at all. I'm not sure I'm convinced by it myself. I'll maybe rewrite it at some stage in the future.**


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